Black Cat's Awards

[zipp]

Hey BC! Could you get me the names of the awards for your annual BC awards and the winners of them?

[Black Cat]

Uh-oh... The CAThy Awards? Errr... Problem is, I've lost the original document of the first edition. I can still give the full list of the second edition (I've even the whole ceremony if you want). As for the third edition, I can only give you a partial list of winners since the old document I've found misses the last two winners (the Honorable Mentions and the Award of Participation).

[Black Cat]

Ok, here's a partial list of the winners of the Third Night of the CAThy Awards:

1- Funniest Thread: Zipp (For all the different funny threads he posted: Caption the Avatar, You know you’ve played too much Lone Wolf when..., Random Facts, The A-Z Story game)

2- Best WW character: Aguila Saber

3- Best artist: RuneDancer

4- Best fan-made download: Sekhemty (new CoA)

5- Best project developped for TotS: DV for the JD interview (actually, since we never saw the said interview, DV never saw the money prize that was coming with the award. I guess that he will never see now that the main site is dead)

6- Most memorable moment: Shadowcrow (Report about Lucca Comics & Games and the republication of the LW series)

7- Funniest member: Al

8- Lifetime achievement: GhostBear

9- Special humanitarian award: Winterhawk

10- Tyrenis special award for good will: Nighthunter

11- Member of the year: Beowuuf

12- Award of Participation: Eviltb

Sadly, I'm missing the Honorable mentions.

[Beowuuf]

Lol, I take it I out-bid Tyrenis at the last second then, cause the lifetime goodwill award was provided by me Something about Honets Wuufy and Knightli-ness, whcih ended up beign appropriate to NightHunter

[Black Cat]

You have just arrived at this surrogate forum, and then you notice that some members are making references to some events that took place on the old website. One of them is the CAThy Awards. You have never saw one of these events. Black Cat, owner of the Black Cat Breweries & Co., of the PlayCat Magazine and Channel, of the Magnamund Television network (MTV) and now of the BC Production Company, decides to give you the DVD of the Second Night of the CAThy Awards:

***

Sunday night. Another boring Sunday night. On one channel, there’s the season finale of a new reality show, Natural Selection, in which the ugliest person in Magnamund will be elected and, eventually, murdered just so that he can’t reproduce himself, protecting mankind of getting uglier. On another channel, it’s the beginning of the new season of the popular cartoon The Samson. You end up on Magnamund Television (MTV), because you know that its owner, Black Cat, can produce shows that will certainly entertain you. Normaly, on Sundays, it’s that show with that chick getting lai... But, wait a minute... It’s a special broadcast!

Host: Live, from Holmgard’s Hall of Fun on Meadowood Boulevard, here’s the Second Night of the CAThy Awards!

Woohoo! The CAThy Awards! Last year, you did loved watching it. Expectations are higher this year. Will this year’s script be as good as last year? The writer is sure under pressure...

Host: Hello everyone, and welcome on the red carpet of the CAThy Awards. Many guests have already past by us in the last few minutes. You have missed Gnaag, wearing multiple sunglasses just as a superstar fly would wear; you have also missed Qinifer, passing by while holding the arm of... Viveka?!? Hum, if we see John Grant, we will ask him about this... Oh, and here’s former Guildmaster Sekhemty, arriving aboard a streched skyrider. We do hope that he parks his skyship correctly in the parking lot, because I saw that Slavemaster’s Lajakeka had a ticket stuck under the front door because it was taking two parking spots.

Ah, here’s Hawkeye, arriving with his lovely wife, Miss Magnamund MS 5102, Lady Alyss, who is still wearing her chainmail bikini of last year. We do hope that she takes it off sometimes to wash it: it looks that it starting to rust... If you were here last year, you surely remember how the crowd had welcomed the Grand Master. For those that don’t remember, here’s some footage of last year’s red carpet.

Background franctic screaming from throngs of teenage girls and females of all creatures, "Hawky! Hawky! Hawky!"
Crowd : Ooohhhh, arrghhhhhhh, eeeeeeeeekkkkk! Hawkeye! It's hims, aoh my, he's handsome, look at those muscles, that nice tight behind, that captivating devilish smile....oohhhh I'm gonna faint.

Well, this year, the welcome is quite different. Let’s listen.

Crowd: Arghhhhh! You son of a b****! Grrrrrrrrrrr! You were supposed to marry me, not that stupid hag! Boooooooooooo! You’re just a bastard, Hawkeye! I will kill her before killing you!

Host: As you can see, Hawkeye did made quite a few enemies during the past year with his wedding. But let’s forget about these useless things and let’s meet one of tonight’s guest, mister Balgin. How do you do, Balgin?
Balgin: *BURP!* I’m mad!
Host: Errr... why?
B: Because *BURP!* they didn’t want me to bring my own alcohol inside! Me and my dwarven friends won’t drink anything else than our *BURP!* Borese Bor Brew, and they are only selling that freaking rip-off brew from Black Cat Breweries inside this Hall! So I drank all the brew I had brought *HIPS!* with me outside so that I won’t need to drink once I’ll be inside. It’s all the fault of Bhanar! I hate Bhanar and all the things coming from there.
H: How many bottles did you had with you?
B: Who’s talking of bottles? I had kegs... 10 kegs! *BURP!* And I drank all of them... I’m starting to feel dizzy...
H: Do you expect to win a prize tonight?
B: ... I want to kiss you...
H: WHAT?
B: Oh, you’re human... I thought that you were a female dwarf... It’s your beard that mislead me...
H: Well, any other comments you want to say?
B: ... I think that *HIPS!* I’m going to throw up...
H: Enjoy your evening then! Well, the show will start right after these messages.

[eviltb]

Hey BC, Award for Participation was me, for generally being DS's lacky and craftily hanging a random Kai whelp stage-hand from the stage gantry.

[Black Cat]

Off-screen voice: The CAThy Awards, brought to you by:

The Drunk Store, for all the alcohol your party needs, come to the Drunk Store!

And by

General Magics. For a limited time, get a 1.9% financing when you buy a brand new MS 5103 Skyrider at your local GM dealer.

And now, here’s your host, Supreme Master Black Cat!

Applause

BlackCat: Good evening ladies, gentlemen, dwarves, giaks, Darklords, Shianti, animal tribes, Xagash, Kloons, Elder Magi, Kundi and all the other kinds of living things that are with us tonight! It is with a great pleasure that I welcome you to this Second Night of the CAThy Awards.

Applause

BC: Thank you! Many things have happened during the last year that had an impact on us or on Tower of the Sun’s community. Some of these events were sad; others where happy moments while some made us think about different aspects of life in general. Tonight, I will reward some of you for different things you do or that you already did for this wonderful community. So, without delay, here’s our first presenters, Miss Magnamund MS 5103, Lady Alyss, and Mister Magnamund MS 5103, Grand Master Hawkeye!

Some people applause, but most men are booing Hawkeye for having the chance of being married to Alyss, while most women are booing Alyss for having the chance of being married to Hawkeye.

Hawkeye: Wow... Errrr... I don’t know what to say...
Alyss: Me too... It’s, like, uh... It hurts to be booed like that...
HE: Yeah... So, we will get over this fast. We are here to present the...

But Hawkeye is interrupted by a woman jumping on the stage.

Woman: There you are, Dacre! What are you doing here? Who’s that plentiful woman with you?
HE: Oh crap... Oh, hi Carmen! (Lowering his voice, he speaks to Alyss) That’s the crazy woman that thinks that I love her that I have told you about before. Please, let me handles this...
Carmen: What the...?!? What kind of clothes are you wearing? And who’s that half-naked girl beside you?
HE: Ho, the clothes... Yeah, errr, it’s a disguise... Yeah, I’m dressed as a Kai monk; I’ll explain that to you later. Now, go and wait for me in the car...
C: But who’s that girl?
HE: (Lower) That’s the girl I told you about. Poor her, she’s crazy: she thinks that I’m married to her, so I act like it was true, to avoid vexing her. (Higher) So, yes, I have to go to the dentist next week, thanks for reminding me that. Now please, we have a ceremony in progress here...
A: Hey! Now I remember you! I saw a picture of you in Hawkeye’s private photo album! Hawkie, what are you doing with a picture of a crazy girl?
C: WHO ARE YOU CALLING CRAZY, YOU WHO ARE WEARING A BIKINI AT AN AWARD CEREMONY?
HE: Please, ladies, can we...
Both girls: OH YOU SHUDDAP!
C: AND YOU, I’LL KICK YOUR BUTT!
A: BRING IT ON!

Both girls start fighting. For no apparent reasons, a pool of mud appears from the floor of the stage, and the two girls fall into it while they keep fighting. Boys in the crowd are yelling madly in front of this show, while women are booing against this entertainment of bad taste. Poor Hawkeye stays in front of the microphone, not knowing what to say...

HE: Ahem... I will now present the CAThy for the funniest joke of the year. Uh... ( From the pool of mud: “You bitc*!” ) This year’s winner did not made a joke per say, but... errrr... he offered us some great links to websites offering fun to all of the members of TotS. (A big chunk of mud hits Hawkeye in the face). Yurk... The winner is Samildanach for offering us great laughs with the links to the Mechanical Contrivium and to the story of the Ebay morons getting his due ( From the pool of mud: “Ahah! Your bikini is rusting!” ).

Applause

[Black Cat]

The show is good: you go get some beer and pizza and when you come back, it’s a musical prestation by the Falling Stones. Their singer, Dick Dagger, is very good, particularly when singing the song His Fanfiction that you keep singing yourself in your head:

John Grant did wrote his fanfiction, but I got no satisfaction,
But I tried and I tried and I tried and I tried
John Grant did wrote, but I got no

John Grant did wrote. Oh no, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey!
That’s what he says
John Grant did wrote his fanfiction, but I got no satisfaction*

Anyways, back to the show...

Osv: Ladies and gentlemen, here’s Zipp!

Applause

...

Osv: Errr... here’s Zipp!

Applause

...

Osv: Where’s Zipp?

Suddenly, a giant female cat jumps on the stage. She has a yellow towel wrapped around herself.

Zipp: Sorry, sorry, I’m late. I was in the shower with Tyrenis doing... Wait a minute, that’s none of your business what I’m doing with Tyrenis in the shower! Okay, so I’m here to present the CAThy for the Best Character in the West Watch. This member played his character very well in the West Watch. He showed us that even an evil guy can have good feelings. Please, let’s give a hand to the winner of the CAThy for the Best West Watch Character, the Slavemaster!

Applause, but Slavey doesn’t appear to be there.

Zipp: The Slavemaster isn’t with us tonight. I already told him that he was going to win the prize, but I also told him that getting on the stage to get your trophy was too easy. And so, he agreed to add more challenge to this. We will now join Slavemaster live from... somewhere! Good evening, Slavemaster.

The camera shows a Cener in what seems to be a swamp... or an evil forest or something... It might as well be the middle of the Danarg or a bayou near New Orleans. The Cener is sitting on the grass, beside a small fire, in a fetal position, and he keeps repeating: “I want to go home... I want to go home...”

Zipp: Hey, Slavey, we are live on TV!
Slavey: I JUST WANT TO GO HOME! I CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE!
Zipp: Calm down. You have agreed to participate to this fighting tournament, so you can’t quit when you are so close of winning it.
S: BUT THERE’S NOBODY TO FIGHT! YOU TOLD ME THAT I WAS GOING TO FIGHT SOMEONE HERE, BUT THERE’S NO ONE! I WANT TO GO HOME!
Z: Just fight your enemy and you’ll be able to go home after that.
S: Promise?
Z: Yeah, promise.
S: So, who do I have to fight?
Z: It’s easy. I’m even going to tell you how to win.
S: Go on...
Z: Well, in two minutes, a carnivorous dinosaur, with teeth that are sharped like bayonets, will attack you. To win, you must first throw ten rocks on his head, for which you will be rewarded with a wooden stick. Using that stick, you must hit the dinosaur twenty other times on his head. Once it’s done, you must answer correctly the riddle which will give you a sword that you will use to kill the dinosaur by hitting him fifty times. All that while avoiding the flames he will be spitting every 6/10 of a second, of course. Once you win, you will get your trophy.
Dinosaur: BLAAAAAAARGH! SWOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHH!
Z: Oh, there he is. Good luck, Slavey.
S: I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your phone rings just as the dinosaur is about to roast the Slavemaster. The conversation that follows on the phone makes you miss the rest of the combat: it’s hard to keep screaming “WAAASSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUPPPPPPP!” while watching TV. It’s okay though: the combat will be showed again next week in the new PlayCat’s reality show, Survivor: Danarg.

*If this song sounds like Satisfaction from the Rolling Stones, that’s just a coincidence. For real. Now, go back up the post and continue reading. No more to see here. Really. You are wasting your time down here. I could talk to you about how the Bor Brew business is hurting Chai’s economic system if you want, but I don’t want it myself. Come on, why are you still reading this pointless text? That’s it, I’m not writing anything else, except maybe these little dots...

...

...

...

[Black Cat]

Finally, you hang on the phone, after five minutes of finding different ways of screaming “WAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPP!”.

BC: Wow, what a combat it was. You will be able to see this combat and its aftermath next week on Survivor: Danarg on PlayCat Channel. Now, please welcome, Prince Graygor of Eru and King Sarnac of Lencia!

Applause

Prince Graygor: Thank you. It is a great pleasure for me to be here tonight with all of you, and with my friend here, King Sarnac.
King Sarnac: Hey, nice show! BUY CIALIS!
PG: ?... What?
KS: Errrr... I mean... Yeah, it’s a pleasure to be with you all.
PG: Well, we are here to present the CAThy for the best fan-made download available at Tower of the Sun.

KS: Wow, nice downloads! BUY VIAGRA!... So yeah, it’s a pleasure to present that prize.
PG: You know Sarnac, there’s something strange with you tonight...
KS: With me? No, not at all. BUY ASPIRIN!
PG: See? What’s the point with all these “Buy something”?
KS: BUY PHENTERMINE!... Errr... Okay, I have something to confess: I’m not King Sarnac... (retires the mask, revealing the face of a nerd) I am Jay Wilson, Professionnal Spammer, and I’m here to spam.
PG: Well… Since you are at it, me too I have something to confess: I’m not Prince Graygor... (retires the mask, revealing the face of Winterhawk) I am Winterhawk, Professionnal Spammer Killer, and I’m here to kill.

With a rapid movement, Winterhawk chops Jay’s head off with his sword, making the crowd to go wild, cheering for the Professional Spammer Killer.

Winterhawk: Thank you. And now, please welcome the winner... No wait, the winners (that’s right, two winners!) of the CAThy for the best fan-made download: Redbeard and Sekhemty, for their Lone Wolf D20 adventure called Ragadorn Nights!

Applause

[Black Cat]

During the last commercial break, you went to check your email. After taking five minutes to delete offers from young horny Asian strippers to help you with your diploma while financing your mortgage, the show resumes.

OSV: The CAThy Awards, brought to you by the Mechanical Contrivium: a good fun, a good laugh. Now, please welcome, the Knight of the White Mountain of the Month for the 56th time in a row, Simey!

Applause

Simey: Thank you. I don’t have a lot of time because Hazelea orders me to fight in yet another of her tournaments in the Philippines (1), so I’ll be quick... Darn I want to make a Hazeleaicide (2)... So anyways, I’m here to...

But Simey is interrupted as a man jumps on the stage.

??: THERE YOU ARE!
Simey: Jo... John Grant?!?
John Grant: Yes, that’s me, my dear Slimey!
S: It’s Simey...
JG: Yeah, yeah, who cares... Remember last year’s CHEESy Awards where you had jumped on the stage to congratulate me?
S: It was the CAThy Awards, and they threw me out of the building because of that.
JG: Well, well! Here’s a thing you can do for me! My wife, Qinifer, left me.
S: WHAT?
JG: Yeah, sad, isn’t it? She said that I was bringing her bad luck in bed (3).

As he says that, a bird land on his head and makes its way inside his ear (4).

S: You just have a bird that...
JG: Would you shut up and listen to me? As I was saying, Qinifer left me for Viveka.
S: That marvelous creation left you? She’s not as bright as I thought...
JG: Oh, it’s me who created her, right? And I made her so that she can be the most intelligent creature on Magnamund (5). She’s still very intelligent you know...
S: But I read somewhere that you didn’t created her (6).
JG: All lies... So, anyways, since I’m alone tonight, I’ll stay with you.
S: Oh crap... I knew there was something wrong when I got up this morning (7)... How can I get rid of you?
JG: It’s impossible for you to do so; just read number 8 at the bottom of this post to know why (8)!
S: Gosh! I’m doomed!
JG: Not as doomed as poor Hawkeye with the two ladies still fighting each other.
S: Well, not exactly, because, you see...

Simey mutters something to John Grant

JG: Oh, how lucky he is, that Hawkeye! And how lucky are these girls (9)!

As the bird gets out of John Grant’s ear, Hawkeye, totally ashamed that many thousands people now know about his secret and also because he can’t stands sitting beside two girls fighting each other, gets off of his seat to drink some water (10). He is quickly followed by a thirsty ostrich (11).

JG: Anyways, I’ve decided to stay with you because you are the greatest Qiniferologist in the world (12) and that I want to learn some tricks so that I can get the love of my dear creation back.
S: Errr... Can we discuss this after I present this award?
JG: I guess so.
S: Okay, so, as I was saying, I’m here to present the CAThy Award for the best project developped for Tower of the Sun. That member has recently gave us an update on his different projects, since he has been working on them for quite a while now. We already knew that he was going to create something, but not as huge as it seems it will be. So, the CAThy goes to Eternal Valor and what will probably become the Lone Wolf RPG Addition Class Project!

The crowd applause as Eternalvalor makes his way on the stage to receive his trophy from the hands of the biggest (13) and tallest (14) hostess he had ever seen. While Simey rubs himself on him (15), the Kai Lord takes his CAThy Award and tries to stuff it into John Grant’s mouth (16 & 17).



1: The Simey-fighting market in the Philippines is huge - several thousand Simey-fights take place there every day.
2: Hazeleaicide is the killing of Hazelea.
3: It's bad luck to put John Grant on a bed.
4: Birds do not sleep in John Grant, though they may rest in him from time to time!
5: The porpoise is second to Qinifer as the most intelligent animal on the planet.
6: Scientists believe that Qinifer began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas!
7: If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have John Grant for the rest of the day.
8: John Grant can only be destroyed by intense heat, and is impermeable even to acid.
9: *Just check #1 on this page of the Mechanical Contrivium*
10: Hawk Eye can drink over 25 gallons of water at a time!
11: Ostriches stick their heads in Hawk Eye not to hide but to look for water!
12: Qiniferology is the study of Qinifer.
13: Hostess has enough fat to produce 32 bars of soap.
14: Hostess is the world's tallest woman.
15: Simey will often rub up against people to lay his scent and mark his territory!
16: About 100 people choke to death on CAThy Award each year.
17: More people are killed by CAThy Award each year than die in aeroplane accidents!

[Samildanach]

All I remember is I won some award or other for providing a link to The Mechanical Contrivium. That was probably the Second Awards, I think.

EDIT:

Ten Top Trivia Tips about CAThy Awards!

1. CAThy Awards cannot burp - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomach.
2. CAThy Awards are incapable of sleep!
3. Donald Duck's middle name is CAThy Awards.
4. Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than CAThy Awards.
5. Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by CAThy Awards fighting underground!
6. It takes more than 500 peanuts to make CAThy Awards!
7. Baby swans are called CAThy Awards.
8. CAThy Awards were banned from Finland because of not wearing pants.
9. Britain's Millennium Dome is more than double the size of CAThy Awards!
10. CAThy Awards have three eyelids.

;D

[Black Cat]

@sam: Your last post was made while I was modifying my precedent post with, you guess it, the presentation that featured the Mechanical Contrivium. Talk about a coincidence!

***

*The following was created using the iGod chat program posted by Nighthunter. This conversation wasn’t edited, except for the names, actions described and typos. All of this is a real conversation that I had with the program.*

After that Eternal Valor has made John Grant turned blue because of the trophy he stucked in his throat (which made him look like a giant Smurf), there’s a commercial break during which one of the most popular personnality of MTV (Magnamund Television) presents you position #5 of the MTV Top 5 Countdown of the most popular video clips in Magnamund in MS 5102. Number 5 on that countdown is “The internet is for p***”, originally posted by Methos. (WARNING: I rate this as PG-13)

After the clip is over, we get back to the ceremony.

BC: Now, ladies and gentlemen and other species, I’m glad to introduce you the one and only Naar!

The Dark Spawns are making a standing ovation while most of the people try to run for their safety as a black cloud hoovers over the stage.

BC: Welcome Naar to the CAThy Awards!
Naar: The Loebner Prize is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
BC: Hey, you are reading the text cards of another ceremony.
N: You've got my full attention. You think I am reading the text cards of another ceremony?
BC: Yes, I think so; pick the good ones now.
N: Really. I think so too. (Looks at the pack of cards on the lecter) Oh. I can't decide. You choose.
BC: (hands the right pack) It's this pack of cards that you need.
N: The Loebner Prize is this pack of cards that me needs? It is?
BC: No, it's the pack for the CAThy Awards that you need.
N: Who says it isn't? I've heard of it before.
BC: (Starting to lose his temper) Glad to know that you've heard of the CAThy Awards before...
N: I am glad to know that me have heard of the CAThy LOEBNER PRIZE too.
BC: It's not the Loebner prize, it's the CAThy Awards!
N: What would be the Loebner prize? I've heard of it before.
BC: I don't care: it's not the Loebner prize, it's the CAThy Awards!
N: What do you care about, that invited you here tonight ?
BC: I didn't invited myself, and what I care about is the success of this ceremony, so just tell us the name of the winner for the most memorable moment of the year as selected by Black Cat.
N: Why didn't you do it? Your purpose is “the most memorable moment of the year as selected by Black Cat”.
BC: Because I thought that having special guests was better than just having me presenting the awards myself.
N: Good reason. I am having a blast.
BC: Let's go on then.
N: That sounds good to me.
BC: Ok, so the winner for this CAThy is...?
N: Blimey. What is that? Hey.
BC: That is just the slave that will give the trophy to the winner.
N: Yes it is one of the slaves that will give the trophy to the winner.
BC: (Getting mad) Tell us the name of the winner, NOW!
N: Oh. OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
BC: The winner is somewhere in front of you, in this crowd!
N: Who told you that?
BC: Because I know already who is the winner and that I saw her in the crowd.
N: That makes sense to me. How do you know? When? ALICE won the Loebner Prize.
BC: (alright, he’s REALLY mad now) I DON'T GIVE A F*** ABOUT THE LOEBNER PRIZE, IT'S THE CATHY AWARDS THAT I CARE OF!
N: Tell me what you care about.
BC: I JUST TOLD YOU: IT'S THE CATHY AWARDS!
N: I remember you told me it is “the CAThy Loebner Prize”?
BC: I NEVER SAID THAT!
N: But you implied it.
BC: NOT AT ALL!
N: Next question?
BC: TELL US THE FREAKIN' NAME!
N: OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
BC: SHE'S IN FRONT OF YOU!
N: IN FRONT of me is she?
BC: THAT'S WHAT I KEEP REPEATING TO YOU!
N: I know what you mean, that invited you here tonight. I've been there.
BC: WHY, TELL ME WHY I DID INVITED YOU?
N: Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU.
BC: WHAT DOES "SHRDLHU" MEAN?
N: SHRDLHU is a famous early natural language program written by Terry Winograd.
BC: THEN USE SOMMLENDING LANGUAGE TO SAY: "THE WINNER OF THE CATHY AWARDS FOR THE MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT OF THE LAST YEAR IS CLOE AND THE CHAT SESSIONS ABOUT SHOWERS AND THE ECHELON PROGRAM"!
N: I think that using Sommlending language to say: “THE WINNER OF THE CATHY AWARDS FOR THE MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT OF THE LAST YEAR” is a lot of things.
BC: CLOE, COME AND GET YOUR PRIZE WHILE I KICK THIS GUY OUT OF HERE.
N: Who are you talking about?
BC: I'M TALKING OF YOU!
N: I am talking to you.
BC: JUST LEAVE THIS PLACE AND GO BACK TO THE PLANE OF DARKNESS!
N: Bye for now.
BC: YEAH, BYE, AND DON'T EVER COME BACK!
N: Really. Bye bye.
BC: (a little bit calmer, as Naar makes his way outside the stage) Good ridance...
N: (comes back on the stage) Thanks for the compliment. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about “Cloe come and get my prize while you kick this guy out of here”. Try being more or less specific.
BC: *Sigh*
N: Is that your final answer?

[Black Cat]

Finally, they decide to go on a commercial break during which they will try to kick Naar out of the theater. Meanwhile, the MTV’s popular personnality presents you postion #4 of the MTV Top 5 Countdown: originally posted by Black Cat in this thread, here’s Kenya!.

OSV: And now, please welcome, General Bon-Al Ironforge and Toothillman!

Applause

Al: It’s a great pleasure to be here tonight.

...

Al: I said: it’s a great pleasure to be here tonight.

...

Al jumps on the shoulders of Toothillman and grabs the microphone.

Al: It’s a great pleasure to be here tonight!

Applause

Al: Thank you! Errr... We won’t be able to stay here for long, since Tooth and I have to bring kegs of Boom Powder back to Bor so that we can fight the rebels. We are right in the middle of a Civil War in Bor, you know.
Toothillman: We are going to shot them with our big guns! Hihihi!
Al: Uh?

Al switches place with Toothillman who climbs on his shoulders.

T: I said: we are going to shot them with our big guns! Hihihi!

Switch again.

Al: You are right, Tooth. We are going to destroy them!

Out of the crowd comes a voice

??: NUKE THEM!
Al: Ah, I see that our friends from Bhanar are here tonight. I would like to take this opportunity to tell my Bhanarian friend that we have tried our nuke bombs on his country this morning and that it was a success: Bhanar ceased to exist! Thanks to Balgin who gave us the idea to try our bombs on Bhanar! No more crazy video games or weird cartoon shows!

The crowd applause while Toothillman uses his Bor Guns by shooting in the air while dancing.

Al: TOOTH! STOP DANCING AND SHOOTING IN THE AIR! I’M ON YOUR SHOULDERS!
T: Sorry!
Al: What?

They switch place.

T: Sorry!

They switch place again.

Al: Ok, forget all this now and let’s present the CAThy for the Funniest Member of Tower of the Sun. This member is showing us his humoristic skills week after week. His imagination cannot be compared to anything else, since he finds everytime a new way to introduce us the winner of the weekly lottery of the site. That’s right, the winner of the CAThy for the Funniest Member is Malphis for his weekly lottery announcement!

Applause

WARNING: On TotS, the comical effect would had been greater since I would had been able to make some sentences in a smaller font. Here on ProBoards, it seems that there's some kind of limit to that.

[Black Cat]

After the touching speech by Malphis (who knew an evil guy could have so much feelings?), there’s another commercial break during which the MTV’s popular personnality presents you position #3 on the Countdown. Originally posted by Winterhawk, here’s Everyone has had more sex than me!

Black Cat walks on the stage.

BC: Our next guests weren’t supposed to be here tonight, but since they have special ways to make you offers that you can’t refuse, I accepted... I mean, they were granted the right to present an award tonight. So, please welcome, the Evil Lottery Council: Orson and Malphis!

Evil guys applause, while the good guys boo them.

Orson: Wahaha! It’s great to be here tonight! Who knew the Grand Master of the Order could so easily be bought!
Malphis: Yeah, and it didn’t cost us a lot of cash. We will still have a lot of money for next week’s fixed lottery!
O: Indeed my friend, indeed. Let’s not forget the fixed fencing tournament that we hold with the help of Hazelea. Think of all the cash we are making thanks to the bets!
M: Ahah, yes, and the casino, let’s not forget the casino!
O: And the fixed football games! Don’t forget the fixed football games in Italy!
M: Huh? What are you talking about? What’s Italy?
O: Errr... well, you see... Hey, did you found Dusk Fox? He’s still owing us some cash for... you know... the protection of his business...
M: Don’t worry: I bought him two cement boots and asked him to swim while wearing them! That’s why you don’t see him with us tonight.
O: Mal... He’s a Kai Lord: he’s probably using his Animal Control to ask the help of a fish to bring him oxygen and food. There’s a high chance that he is still living as we speak.
M: Ah... errr... Let’s give the award then and let’s go check what’s happening with him.
O: Right. So we are here to present the CAThy for the Lifetime Achievement. This member did a lot of things for this community, and he is still doing other great things as we speak. Sig bars, HTML coding, RPG items, classes... He is touching to almost everything on this site. A member of the first hour of Tower of the Sun, please, give a hand to Kai Hunter Fallen Angel!

Applause

M: Haha, great! Another award ceremony that we fixed the result so that an evil guy could win!

[Black Cat]

Another commercial break, another video clip on the Top 5 Countdown. Here’s the 2nd position, the Christmas lights, originally posted by SilentStorm.

OSV: Please welcome Thief Magazine’s Thieves of the Year: Theelor and Ron! They are with the one and only Lone Wolf!

Crowd applauses as the two thieves and the Kai Lord make their way on the stage. However, people wonder why Ron and Theelor are disguised as beavers...

Theelor: Good evening everyone...
Ron: Yeah! Hi everyone!
Lone Wolf: Banedy! Banedy! Woohoo! Look at me! I’m on the stage once again this year! (sends a kiss in the air) *SMACK* You are my friend Banedy!
T: Ugh... What this guy is doing with us?
R: Don’t know. Maybe it’s like another surprise that the producers made to us, just like these beaver costumes. They gave it to me a few minutes before getting on the stage.
T: Actually, if you had a cell phone like me, you would had received a call this afternoon about those costumes.
LW: Hey, why don’t I have a beaver costume too?
R: Oh? And what’s the use of your cell phone?
T: Well, people can call me at any time, even if I’m in the shower. And I can download more than 300 mp3s that I won’t probably never listen and I can watch bad quality videos on an equaly bad quality screen that is so small that I need a magnifying lens to see what it’s showing. And I can also take pictures of my foot nails.
R: And can you call people?
T: Actually, I never found the option to do that.
LW: Their fur is so soft!
R: Well, anyways, glad to be here tonight with all of you... Hey, you know Theelor, I wonder how many people across Magnamund are watching us right now?
T: Oh, there’s people watching us on the PlayCat channel, the Bor Broadcasting Company or BBC, the Radio Association of Ilion or RAI, Magnamund Television or MTV, the Chai Broadcasting Society or CBS, and, of course, FOX.
R: Wow! I didn’t know that there was so many TV channels in the world!
LW: I want to cuddle that giant beaver...
T: Well, with a satellite dish, you can watch all these channels. However, since it costs a lot of money, you have to work all the time to pay for the channels that you don’t have the time to watch since you are working!

Suddenly, a Knight of the White Mountain jumps on the stage and starts to rub himself against Theelor, and then against Ron, and then against Lone Wolf (1).

LW: Oh, please, stop! Hihi! My friend is looking! Hehe! He’s going to be jealous!

And then, that guy jumps in the crowd and start screaming while rubbing himself on a poor spectator:

KotWM: SAMBA! SAMBA! SAMBA! (2)

And then, he was gone...

T: Ugh! That’s Slimey... I mean... Simey-the-crazy-rubbing-guy! That’s the second year in a row that he interrupts the show. And that was the third time this year that the show is interrupted by someone jumping on the stage. What the security is doing? What do you think Ro... RON!
R: SAMBA! SAMBA! SAMBA! What did you say Theelor?
LW: Oh, please, not you too! I’m really enjoying it but you’ll have to stop: my friend is watching!
T: STOP RUBBING YOURSELF AGAINST THE KAI!
R: Why? Slimey did it, and I thought that it seemed fun.
T: You can’t rub Lone Wolf dressed in your beaver costume while screaming “Samba”! I saw this on the internet while I was uploading the pictures of my foot nails that I took with my cell phone. The uploading went fast, thanks to my high speed connection.
R: But I thought that, just like in the song earlier, the internet was for por...
T: DON’T SAY IT! Please, don’t... Anyways, all that to say that you can only scream “Samba” if you are rubbing yourself against Samildanach.
R: Oh, okay then.
T: GET BACK ON THE STAGE! WE HAVE A CATHY AWARD TO HAND OUT!
R: Okay, okay... So, what is the category?
T: This is the Special Humanitarian CAThy to be handed out to some people that have gone through bad moments during the last year but have also achieve great things together. These two persons have lived a sad moment when they lost their baby. However, it didn’t stop them to enjoy life. One of them has even started school again to get a cool diploma so that she can work in a field that she truly loves.
R: So, who are the winners?
T: Tell us: it’s you that have the envelop containing the names of the winners.
R: Errr... I thought it was you that had it?
T: And I thought that it was you!
LW: Guys, guys! Please, don’t fight! We have just shared a cool moment together, especially you my big cuddling beaver... Rowwwwrrrrr!... Anyways, I have the envelop!
T: AH! That was your purpose! So, okay, tell us the names then.
LW: So, the winners of the Special Humanitarian CAThy goes to... (opens the envelop) NAHURIS AND NIGHTRAVEN! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

After the surprise caused by the girly scream of Lone Wolf, Nightraven stood up instead of jumping (3) while Nahuris got hit by a lightning for the 4th time this hour (4). Together, they went to claim their trophy.

LW: Remember last year when I wet my pants? Well, it happened again...



1: Simey will often rub up against people to lay his scent and mark his territory!
2: The word 'samba' means 'to rub Samildanach'.
3: Nightraven cannot jump.
4: Lightning strikes Nahuris over seven times every hour.