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Post by Beowuuf on Feb 19, 2009 14:04:34 GMT -5
I can even see Simey lurking around! Come on!
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Post by Beowuuf on Apr 9, 2009 13:35:01 GMT -5
It's Easter, this Easter CYOA needs to come to an end!
51
Banedon says he feels something odd down the left side he has not felt in a while, and you look worriedly downwards until you realise he means the pathway.
Accepting the advice of your long-time friend you both cautiously advance down the craggy tunnels. Dear Kai, can the Durenese not have smoothed these tunnels out? Lazy good for nothings! Smelly too!
It takes you a while to use your huntmastery skills and general knowledge gained from all the evil tunnels you have constantly walked down to realise something. This place has been gouged from the rock by some loathsome creature. Infact, there it is, right infront of you!
"Oh, my goodness, it's-" starts Banedon, but you are too busy being protective and heroic, after all who is the real hero of this story, right?
"Stand aside dress-wearing chum, I shall deal with this evil myself - HAHAH-oh." You draw the Sommerswerd, and let its light wash over whatever foul fiend dares to pollute this place. However, what you see is something that surprises you - it is Banedon's old Guildmaster.
"Banedon? Is that really you?" asks the kindly old man.
"Ugh, I thought I got rid of you ages ago!" says Banedon in consternation. You look to your friend in surprise. "Well," continues Banedon to you, "he wanted to be the one to greet you when you came out of the shadowgate from the Daziarn! After eight years of not seeing you, he wanted to have you all to himself! I couldn't allow it, so I got rid of him - so I thought. I guess he fled here and has been living in this tunnel all this time."
"But what, how...wait, how on earth could he have lived here all this time undiscovered?" you ask.
"Eh," Banedon replies, "they probably saw him and couldn't be bothered to do anythign about it. Those Durenese are lazy you know. Stupid too. And smelly, don't get me started on how smelly they are."
"But how could you? That's sounds sort of.... evil!" you say, still shocked.
"Well of course it is, that was what I was trying to tell you earlier, all about my evil plan since I'm sick of teaching all the time, and you must be sick of saving the world all the time now."
"Well, it is a little dull...no, I mean, this can't be you talking! I thought that was the eggs!"
"Eggs? well, no, I just really like eggs, they are so dreamy, that's why I decided to sue them in my evil plans."
"Really? As boring a reason as that? That sounds a bit tacked on..."
"FINE! How about next time I just stay home, and you can go find an EXCITING ending with your new best friends Mr and Mrs Eggs-sciting Ending."
"Oh, Banedon, look, don't be like that. But, really, we can't go around doing evil and making evil plans. I mean, can we?"
"Why not? We can crush the smelly Durense, overthrow Ulnar, and rule and buddy and chum. I don't see why we couldn't even throw in some dwarf slaughter if you'd like."
"Well, that does sound rather fun..." you admit to yourself.
"There we go, that's what I thought!" Banedon says in relief. "So, let me just Lightning Hand the old Guildmaster into permenant retirement, and we can go have ourselves some real fun for change!"
What do you do?
Do you decide to join in with the wanton murder of the poor defenseless Guildmaster, and onwards to rule the world? Go to 53 Or do you decide to stop you poor misguided friend, no mater the cost? Go to 54
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Post by Beowuuf on Apr 9, 2009 13:45:39 GMT -5
53
You raise your hand too and happily the pair of you cast Lightning Hand on the ground around the man, making the poor Guildmaster dance for your amusement until his poor weak broken heart gives out on him. You cackle your best cackle that Emperor Palpatine would be jealous of, and then dance hand in hand to hack and burn your way through Durenor, looping back to Sommerlund.
The eggs have done their work by now, wiping out Holmgard, the Brotherhood of the Crystal Star, and the Kai Monastery. The people are grateful for the return of their two heroes in this dark times, and you get right on to the work of building a new larger palace with a special shield, the artifact generating it hidden in a forest filled with small intelligent bears.
You then rule for at least a fortnight in maniacal glee, happy as two heroes turned villains can be. And the people seem happier too, as you are actually less arrogant and demanding than Ulnar was.
However, evil always turns upon itself, and one fateful breakfast time Banedon pinches the last of the toast, when you had told him the night before that you needed the carbs today for your Greel match.
You slice his head off with the Sommerswerd, which forces the Mind Charm to be mis-cast around a jar of jam.
You spend the next week afterwards trying to impress the jam, which is actually a secret Grey Star fan and remains unimpressed. Broken hearted and without your bestest chum, you sadly spend your days in the uppermost room of the uppermost tower composing poetry about eggs in the hope that one day Banedon will return from some egg-y heaven. You start painting eggs through your tears with pictures of Banedon, and then rolling them out the window at passing people and bunnies.
And that, dear children, is how Easter really started.
Your quest ends here, but the eggy legend will live on.
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Post by Beowuuf on Apr 9, 2009 13:55:47 GMT -5
54
You raise your hand, but then yell out, "Banedon's got some gin on him!"
Banedon looks at you startled, but it is too late. The old guildmaster comes to instant life, and leaps frantically at his old pupil to locate the gin. Banedon cannot get a spell off before he is savaged by the desperate old man.
If Captain V'Dal is with you, you can make some 'that was a close shave, a bit hairy there,' jokes then ask him to go get the palace guards while you enjoy the spectacle.
If V'Dal is not with you, then you will have to go and get the guards yourself. Ugh.
Finally the old Guildmaster is lured away by some Bor Brew one of the guards brings, and meanwhile Banedon is put in chains and dragged sadly away.
"But Woofie! I only wanted to be with you!" implores Banedon as he is dragged away.
"And so you shall Banedon, but for now you need to spend about eight years in the Daziarn really thinking about what you've done. You'll thank me later! And don't worry, when you get back, thatnks to my GM powers I'll still look as handsome and young as I do now. HAHA!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo. Woooooooooofie!"
However, you do not heed the cries of your misguided friend, because you realise you've learned something special today. You were so busy looking to manufacture evil plots to get people to be better, you forgot that evil dwells within everyone. And that really, by just resisting the urges to murder old doddering mages, or by not killing your dwarvish crew no matter how much they deserve it, or by not overthrowing your own government, why, that alone makes us better.
And really, isn't that the true meaning of easter? That and something to do with acquiring lots of chocolate?
You nod happily to yourself, and walk back to the palace and ultimately back to Holmgard, managing not to slap the Durenese in their smelly lazy faces. Really, you are a hero, and you can happily teach your students again, knowing that every time you are too lazy to Psi-Surge them, you are proving your heroism yet again.
Congratulations Kai Supreme Master! You have saved the day!
There we go, one path closed, only two more paths to tie up! anyone?
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Post by Samildanach on Apr 10, 2009 9:46:05 GMT -5
You start painting eggs through your tears with pictures of Banedon, and then rolling them out the window at passing people and bunnies. Hahahahaha! Ok, I'll look at the other remaining paths and see if I can tie one up.
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Post by Beowuuf on Jun 18, 2009 14:25:36 GMT -5
This seemed to have died again. Let's tie off one of the two other paths...
52
You raise the Sommerswerd above your head, and clutch the egg close as if it were alive and could escape. The pathay twists and turns but the egg leads you steadily onwards, onwards, until...
You are face to face with the hideous spawn that has...umm...spawned the eggs, the writhing tentacled monstrosity of the almightly egg mother! Like an egg herself, with her slimy glistening shell pulsing horribly, she glares at you baelfully with her many differently sized and shaped eyes, and leers with her single wide maw, all teeth and dripping corrosive saliva.
Surely such a foul thing as this cannot exist? Actually, no, it probably not. This has to be an illusion or something, surely?
You sniff the egg you have been touching, then gingerly lick the back of it. Hmm, it takes like...toad. Interesting. Ooh, the egg mother is now strobing with pretty colours - you can see her laugher in the ripples of reality. wow man.
Wait, tastes like a toad? Or a frog perhaps. Then that must mean...
"Curses, you have seen through my cunning plan!" says your initiate, Happy Frog, stepping from infront of a boulder your imagination had turned into an eggy monster.
"What is the meaning of this!" you say, drawing yourself up impressively, then giggling.
"The meaning is to get out of your oppressive shadow and claim my rightful place as the loone Kai!" says Happy Frog. "I'll kill you off, and all my fellow Kai, and blame the Darklords or Agarashi or Naar or sheep or something. And then I will become legendary! Muwahahahhaha!"
Wow, who could have seen that one coming?
So, what should you do.
Tell the young Kai he will never get away with it face him in mortal combat? Go to 57 Try to reason with the young Kai and turn him back to the side of light with some inspirational talks? Go to 58 Remember the true meaning of being a Kai Supreme Master and commence with the crotch punching? Go to 59
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Post by Beowuuf on Jun 18, 2009 14:31:09 GMT -5
57
"You'll never get away with this, evil never prospers!" you say proudly.
"Mwuahaha, how can my plan fail!" said Happy Frog gleefully.
"Umm...actually, what is your plan, why the eggs?" you asked confused.
"Hah, eggs for rebirth you see! And all the people have been acting weirdly as they have been subjected to the hallucnagen on the eggs. They'll believe anything, including exploding eggs and eggs over the Durenese tunnels!"
"Umm, yes, but...you know...what's that actually supposed to accomplish?"
Happy Frog looks stuck for a moment. "Silence!" he bellows.
"Well, whatever lame plan you have, you will never get away with it!" you say again. "Prepare to fight! One on one!"
You then realise there is alot of movement from behind you. "One on how many?" asks the initiate nastily. You realise there are many angry and delirious dwarfs behind you, armed with guns and a little annoyed at your treatment of them all adventure.
You put up a valiant defense, but really you are tripping pretty hardcore and are still trying to work out exactly how Happy frog thinks he can use the eggs to take over the Kai or destroy them or whatever. You end up bashing yourself repeatedly with the hilt of your own sword, and then the dwarfs shoot you with lots of rifles.
Sadly, you life and mission end here.
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Post by Beowuuf on Jun 18, 2009 14:39:21 GMT -5
58
"My young apprentice," you say in a hissed whisper, "think of all the wonderful things in life. Think of beaches, and forests, and trees, and badgers, and unicorns, and long walks on the beach with blonde haired blue eyed blue robed mages who you can't quit. Think about the birds in sky and the fish in the sea and the gentle smile of a trusting child just before you mindblast him for fun."
You look imploringly at your initiate, and his eyes bulge. Then, all of a sudden, he bursts in to hysterical laughter.
Startled by a noise behind, you look around and see a bunch of angry dwarfs were about to surround you from behind, but the have either started laughing themsleves, or some more sensative souls are vomitting at the tweeness of your statements.
You stand there blushing, embarrased and hurt. As the laughing continues, you get a little bit uncomfortable. That then turns to irritation, impatience, boredom, then anger.
Your foes are still laughing or being voilently sick. You shrug to yourself, and lightning hand each and every one of them. Hah, assimilate that lesson, punk!
Well, that was a little bit anti-climactic, but at least you managed to use your lightning hand on some dwarfs and an initiate, so the day isn't completely wasted.
You rush back to Holmgard (skipping all the way) so that you and Banedon can catch the last rays of the evening sun and enjoy a nice beach walk to look for unicorns under a rainbow.
Congratulations for at least trying to be a decent heroic chap!
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Post by Beowuuf on Jun 18, 2009 14:53:36 GMT -5
59
Honestly, what have you been teaching these young Kai? As Happy Frog learns the true meaning of evil, and learns several different ways to say "Please, no, the pain, please stop" you wonder to yourself where you have gone wrong.
Perhaps, as large a thought as this is, the fault is with you. Maybe you have thought mean thoughts about people and been less concerned with their wellbeing than you should have. Maybe that has led to all this.
"Maybe if I was nicer to Banedon and wasn't resentful, he would have noticed things like evil initiates and kept those bloody dwarfs in line."
You kick Happy Frog - now Unhappy and teach Streaked Face Frog - one last time and move off with renewed resolve.
You have been reminded of the true value of friendship and companionship that makes Sommerlund and the Kai great. You throw the egg over your shoulder so that the tunnel will explode and bring the cave roof down on Happy frog's head. Hopefully he will learn his lesson as he crawls back out again.
You emerge into the sun with a sense f hope, and wonder what Banedon is doing with himself. If he came with you, then really this already isn't going well. Otherwise, you try to remmeber where you have parked, and think about going home.
Well done! You have defeated the evil and remembered what is important in life. And also kicked an initiate again. Well done!
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Post by dugain on Jun 22, 2009 15:44:19 GMT -5
This gamebook seriously made my day ;D "But Woofie!" - shouldn't that be "Wuufie"?
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Post by Beowuuf on Jun 22, 2009 16:06:34 GMT -5
Glad you enjoyed it - feel free to contribute one of its final sections!
And just because I'm scotish and we like dresses..I mean kilts..and just because I like the Vakeros blue, does not mean I sneakily want to be Banedon
Nope.
*runs in shame*
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Post by Beowuuf on Jan 2, 2010 20:11:31 GMT -5
Should really finish this one off. One loose end and the 'real' ending to go.
56
The lava sets fire to the coutryside and The Flying Ship, and really you have to laugh. After all, its not Sommlending countryside, and besides you don't remember who actually owns the Flying Ship anyway. It was probably one of the rich initiates, a present from their rich father who owned a skyship dealership. Ship.
You laugh some more and roast some dead Giaks (there were Giaks around you slaughter, just incase you came form the wrong section to encounter them) and wish there was some Bor Brew. You toy with the idea of using your powers of Grand Nexus to go into the hold to get the Dwarfish stores of it, but decide that trying to inhale scolding intoxicant is probably not why Kai gifted you those powers. No, it was to protect you from flames while you sat on your bum and laughed at the misfortune of others. Actual effort is beneath a Grand Kai Supreme Master Lord. Ship. To think you almost forgot that fact! And that's the real lesson of this story.
You also curse the dwarves, they apparently have decided to do some exercises rather than help you with your alcohol problem. You berate them as they run around waving their hands doing their stupid calisthenics.
Finally one of them rushes over with a keg of Bor Brew for you.
"Save the Brew!" yells the dwarf, collapsing in flames.
"About time," you say, taking it from him and throwing your Kai cloak ontop of him. He thanks you for your assistance as he uses it to put out the flames, which puzzles you as you just didn't want to look at him anymore.
"Wait, why is this barrel on fi-" you start to ask, just before the beer decides to explode more like a super-heated spirit and impales you with wicked shrapnel from the burst barrel.
If only you'd gone into skyship dealership shipping like your parents had suggested, your life and career wouldn't be over right now. But you didn't, so they are.
Edit: I actually finished this offline, check out the first post with a link to the updated file. Section 49 and 65 ave been added, whith other sections shuffled around so section 65 is the last section (was originally 63).
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